Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Episode 17: A Lament (Who will give us wings?)

Recently, I found myself face-to-face with someone who had a problem with me.  Those are his words, not mine--he had a "problem" with my "lifestyle."

Sometimes it's hard to be gay y'all.  That's pretty much all there is to it.

Most days I don't even think about it--the fact that my family makes some folks uncomfortable. No, normally I get up, I pick out a sassy dress and a pair of empowering, make-this-world-a-better-place shoes, and I live a startlingly beautiful, sacred, simple life.  On any given Tuesday, the odds are that I won't even think about the fact that my existence, my mere presence in the world, makes some folks uncomfortable. 

But then there are days like today--days when someone says something harsh, something mean, something unexpected--and I am reminded that sometimes, sometimes it's hard to be gay; it's hard to be different; it's so incredibly difficult to be the person others blame for their discomfort, their hatred, their anxiety.

This blog is often a place for rejoicing, for celebrating, for giving thanks and praise but luckily, thank the Lord, there is also room in this life we lead for lament. Praise our sweet Jesus that I walk within a tradition, I follow in the footsteps, of those who knew what it was to weep, to cry, to feel that physical ache from deep within your chest and wreck yourself with the world's brokenness.

And so tonight, my friends, I lament. My heart aches for the places in our world that are filled with fear; my tears fall for those who have no space in their world for me and for those whose families look even a little bit like mine.

Tomorrow morning I will once again offer this world a genuine, from the heart, show-my-dimples-in-all-their-glory, smile. My heart will mend itself.  I will put on a pair of leather boots that, and I truly mean this y'all, will remind me, with every single step, that I am capable of taking over this world with nothing but love, affirmation, and an open, transparent heart. But tonight, on this night, my heart breaks for our world that is oh-so-broken sometimes, that is so far away from where it could be. Tonight, my loves, I lament.

My insides are turned inside out...I shudder from head to foot...“Who will give me wings,” I ask—“wings like a dove?”
-from Psalm 55 

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